What a difference an hour makes

Since Daylight Saving Time ended two weeks ago, my once pleasant 30 minute commute has spiraled rapidly downward into a 45-50 minute ordeal, with average speeds falling into the 40's. Not only has the volume (perceived, at least) grown, but every SUV and Saturn driving retard on the road seems to want to approach the posted speed limit within 10 mph.

I finally got me an ESS-YOU-VEEE

I really feel like a real red-blooded 'Merican now, with my full-sized off-road behemoth. Why, there isn't nothin' more satisfying than heading off with the missus for an afternoon of clubbing baby seals and burning old-growth forests (I recommend the spotted owl pan seared) in a big honkin' truck.

Speed Kills - Please Slow Down

Despite that admonishment emblazoned on the speedometer of the 14 foot "Gentle Ride" U-HAUL truck I rented today, I figured I'd be the slowest thing on the highway. Anywhere else in the country my 11,000 pound mid-eighties diesel behemoth would have been been a moving chicane for other motorists. But this, of course is Hilton Hell. The kind folks at U-HAUL tell me I drove 146 miles, and most of it stuck behind tourons lumbering in both lanes at 35 mph, heads swiveling back and forth, trying to find their timeshare and a seafood restaurant.

My humor: So crude, so simple.

I actually pissed myself laughing at this. Don't tell Betsy I was sitting on her couch!

Greetings from glorious Cuyahoga Falls!

Here's a photo from our luxury suite high above scenic Cuyahoga Falls. At least I'm assuming these are the falls. After all, this is the town of Cuyahoga Falls, OH, and I haven't seen any other falls to speak of.

We figured that since our Bora Bora honeymoon went bust, we'd travel to a location nearly as exotic for a weekend getaway. Where to go first? The Akron Zoo? The Pro Football Hall of Fame? So far, we've dined in style at Longhorn Steakhouse and Bob Evan's, but not caught much of the myriad local attractions.

Another "Why didn't I think of this"

This will probably be deleted soon by the eBay web gremlins, but for now, you can buy this revolutionary device for only $22!


Y'all are a bunch of pussies

Yeah, you know who you are. As you can see from this photo, we obviously had more fun tonight than you did. So suck it, punks.


God Vicki, you're old

It's a tall order to outdo Vicki's birthday party from two years past. There were a lot of people, and a whole lot of tequila. We were a little short on both counts this year, for Vicki's 77th (or is it 107th) birthday, but our small but merry band gave it our best.


My Grandma can beat up your Grandma

My grandmother turned 88 years young last weekend. At more than three times my age, she's got more energy than I'll ever have. Betsy and I drove up Friday, with Mark riding shotgun, for her parties on Saturday and Sunday. Andrew and Pam showed up Saturday night, after a prolonged wait for Pam's arrival at the Erie airport.



Subscribe to christianyates.com RSS