Apparently not suited for this urban living


Oh, give me a home where:

  • I can stand on my porch in my skivvies brandishing a 12-gauge, because that tree you just walked past has a sign that says "TRESSPASSERS MAY BE SHOT" in big orange letters.
  • I can run a go-kart track, a bungee jumping tower and a biodiesel plant with nary a complaint from the neighbors
  • I can hook up my whole stereo, not just half, without getting dirty looks when I walk down the street
  • I don't get dirty looks when I walk down the street, because there's no one else for miles to give me dirty looks.
  • My wife doesn't have to walk the 15 feet from her car to our door with her pepper spray poised.
  • I don't find plastic cups filled with dregs from last night's party on the sidewalk...or is that urine?