"Have I got one helluva human interest story for ya"

That was the start of the phone call in which I received the 'hot tip' that resulted in this story.

When he pulled the shaking, nearly lifeless bird from of the marsh, it was clear what was holding it down: A large clam had closed on the bird's foot, and it didn't let go until B.J. pried it off with a knife.

"It felt like there was a huge anchor on him," he said. "That clam was as big as my hand, and this little egret was just a baby. It was the biggest clam I've ever seen."

<pointless rant>These people are messing with natural selection, which really pisses me off. Now instead of the drowning it deserved for being stupid enough to get its foot caught by a mollusk (which has no brain, and last time I checked, was not a predator of waterfowl), this egret is going to get a chance to procreate, spreading it's genes to a future generation of dumb-assed progeny.

This is, incidentally, an excellent metaphor for what's happening in America these days.

I think we should take the filters out of cigarettes, the airbags out of cars, and the warning labels off of everything sharp, hot or potentially explosive. If you're too dumb to figure out that sticking your hand under the deck of your lawnmower may have unfortunate consequences, or that hot coffee may burn you if you spill it on your nutsack, you should probably not be breeding anyway. Go ahead, reach for that twig.</pointless rant>

Comments

That's my baby!

You know, those airbags, seat-belts, and crumple zones can come in handy sometimes... or maybe you propose we take them out of all but the Ultimate of Driving Machines?

Christian's picture

Actually smartass...

I'd leave seat belts. You actually have to USE them to be effective.

In my wreck at least, the airbag probably did more harm than good, and too many people use them as a substitute for buckling up.

Maybe the compromise is that airbags only work when you're using your seatbelt? Otherwise, your ass gets thrown through the windshield.

Heh heh... nutsack.

Can you say that on the Intardnet?